As you can tell from the non-bloviated, new title, things are changing up in here. One thing that is happening is that I am not able to read like I used to be able to. Why is that you ask? Well it's because as soon as I start to get into a paragraph or sentence, something pops in my head that I just need to capture. A fungent thought, a quote, just about anything. I suppose, it's highly likely given my hyper nature that it could be ADD, but I never suffered from that before. No sports fans, I think it's because I'm becoming a writer! Hoo dee hoo! It's hard for me to say that in that fashion. I don't want to come off haughty or 'better than you' type of thing. Our society, at least the one I grew up in, rewards humility in a big way. So I've always been careful to not portray myself as thinking too much of myself. And writing down my own thoughts for others to read, in my mind, comes off a bit egomaniacal; like what makes me think people give a shit what I have to say? However, I think I'm wrong about that. Are all writers egomaniacs? I suppose it could be true, but I doubt it. So now the urge to write has become a distracting force that keeps me from enjoying my reading, and that pisses me off. So here I am.
Why the sudden uncontrollableness of it all (I'm now a writer so I'm allowed to make up words)? I've no idea except maybe being retired allows me to pontificate on life whereas my entire thought processes before were about work. And believe me, I wrote PLENTY at work, just ask anyone that used to work with me. That's pretty fucking stupid when you think about it once you really think about your one life you have to live and what it ultimately 'means'. But that's how I lived it and I was very successful professionally, so I'm going to do the same here. Maybe it won't manifest itself financially, but I'll feel good about it and that makes it a successful venture!
So I'm trying to read the autobiography of Mark Twain, who should really be everyone's literary idol if you ask me, and I can't get the monkeys out of my head. He was probably the man I'd most like to have been able to spend time with. Never have anyone's quotes affected me like his and I think we are somewhat like minded. He didn't allow (whatever that means) his biography to be published until 100 years post mortem so he could tell it like it is and speak his "whole frank mind". So even the famously politically incorrect Samuel Clemens worried about political correctness to a point. But I think I will differ from that. I am really at the point where I don't much care if what I say pisses off this group or that. In this politically polarized time we live in, simply opening your mouth is enough to piss off this group or that. It's crazy and I hate it. We used to be a country of equal opportunity offenders. I mean no ones' ethnicity, handicap, whatever, was off limits and we all made fun of everything leaving no one offended save the weak minded or very sensitive. And didn't that used to be the whole purpose of teasing those who couldn't stand it? To make them 'toughen up'? Now we don't dare offend anyone because the thin skinned are now making policy. Someone please give me a big, fat, fargin' break. We've lost a LOT of great thought in order to not offend. And since when did the 1% dictate how it was going to be for the rest of us? It's happening now.
I mean I listen to teachers talk about all the mainstreaming that is now mandatory in our schools. I'm for everyone feeling 'normal', hell I deal with that shit every day being handicapped. But to force a child into a classroom that totally disrupts class constantly, due to whatever issue they may have, can be so detrimental to everyone else. Let's say I'm a teacher in a class of 30. I have 4 students that MUST be mainstreamed from the lame, ass No Child Left Behind act. So one of the students is an absolute constant disruption. So now that 3% of that population makes it impossible for the other 97% to learn because the poor teacher has to spend all their time with that one student since the aid doesn't work there anymore due to budget cuts. I ask one simple question; what is wrong with giving that child the focused attention he obviously needs? Where I come from, we call that the tail wagging the dog. To me it is more important, in the setting of school mind you, for learning to be paramount and political correctness be whatever the opposite of paramount is. So let's make 29 children NOT learn so we can satisfy EVERYBODY. Guess what? That's not how the world works. More benefit for all involved in that made up scenario would be gained by focusing on the special needs child in a special needs setting; not jamming him in with everyone else; and who says he even wants that? Newsflash-people are different. I mean if a childs' tourettes is so bad that they scream the whole time they are awake (I saw an example of this on discovery), the NCLB act says 'mainstream 'em'. Who does that really serve? Certainly not the child with the issue, and certainly not the rest of the class. Who does that leave? No one. So it serves not one, single person in that group, but it makes someone in Washington feel better about themselves.
Political ideology in this country is so screwed up it's not even funny. To listen to the news, you are either liberal or conservative. Guess what? In terms of idealogues, that's about .1% of the general population. So who do you go with? I don't believe in charging on a credit card whose limit has been exceeded a thousand fold. I guess that makes me a conservative. But I also believe in a woman's right to choose and I also believe being gay is not a lifestyle choice. I guess that makes me a liberal. Like most of us, I'm neither. Are you telling me I have to be a religious zealot to want to control spending? (disclaimer: Bush started the shopping spree and Obama put a turbo charger on it, so they're both dicks in my eyes so don't think I'm in either corner). I'm a fiscally conservative social liberal. I mean are gays getting married really going to affect me and my family? Do any of you honestly think that people CHOOSE to be gay? I mean what 12 year old kid says "I'm going to make the lifestyle choice that makes me get the shit kicked out of me on a regular basis"? Because face it, kids are NOT politically correct and most of them still make fun of gay kids; it is what it is and I'm just bringing it up. Another newsflash; bullying will always be there. It used to be the parents job to deal with it; it was a teaching moment. The government solving bullying? Really?
BUT, I really, really don't think we should fire up the dollar bill printing presses. So why in the hell do I have to choose between two political parties that have diametricallly opposed ideals? Because we've put extremists of both parties in office that's why. And consequently, common sense has gone out the window. Just for a day, retire like me and watch C-Span for a couple of hours. It will make you want to throw up in your mouth to watch these guys who supposedly represent us go at it. You wonder where they are coming from since neither one of them can say what's really on their mind. I think that's why so many of us are so disgruntled with all of them. I mean really, can you listen to Nancy Pelosi wax eloquent and not think she is nuts? And on the same note, try listening to Mitch McConnel; same thing. And the shame of it all is that they are both smart as whips. But peek behind the curtain at their business dealings (you know the ones that make our "peoples' representatives" gozillionnaires just like US?) and you see that they are both complete hypocrites.
And then there's the press. Please. There were literally teams of people pouring over crazy ass mama grizzlie's emails that were released in the last few days or weeks. They even recruited 'citizen journalists' to read them all. Where was THAT shit when the health care bill came along? Were there dozens of them pouring over that to tell us what it was about? No. Did they recruit readers to read that monster so we'd really know what it was all about? No. But the day Palin's emails go public, it was on! And the sad thing is, the health care bill was about 10% of the content that her 25,000 emails were; pathetic. Who gives a damn about what miss irrelevant was writing two years ago anyway? How did it come to this? The bottom line for me is this: neither political partys' ideals fit up with the vast majority of us. Maybe their published ideals meet what we want, but their actions are really the only thing that matter and they just want the headlines to look good, I don't feel like they are really interested in exacting the change that their constituents actually desire.
So my political screed for the day is out of the way. I thought it important, if you are going to read this of course, if you know where I'm coming from. Just like most people, I think we should throw all of the bums out. I mean really, as a percentage of the congress and Senate, they have, wait for it, a 1500% higher rate of being under active investigation. Narcissism has its' pitfalls and most of them are narcissistic to be sure.
Aside from, or because of I haven't decided, my MS I feel very much like the everyman. I'm really tired of writing about just my MS. I'm quite sure it will still be a theme to what I write, but I just don't have all that much to say and I was enjoying more writing about how I deal with it to stay engaged in life vs. analyzing my procedure and if it "worked" or not. The answer to that is this: it was the best thing I ever did for my MS bar none. Nothing gave me more functional improvement in one fell swoop than that did, but it doesn't take you back to who you want to be. For some it really seems to and I'm still jealous as hell of all of them, but as is the norm, that's not what I got! As you continue to research your MS you will think you have Lyme disease, Epstein-Barr infection, Cpn infection, diabetes, rampant herpes, and a whole myriad of other things. The bottom line is they really don't know WHAT the hell is wrong with most of us since they don't really know what MS is. How can you know what it is when you have no clue what causes it? We know what Central Nervous System lesions do, but that's easy; just wait, watch and tabulate. And to take a drug that even the Dr's say they don't know how it works, or if it works? Not this kid. Strangely enough, I feel WAY better than I did while on those stupid, ineffective drugs. It's an easy question to answer for most of us whether or not we'd even take a drug whose efficacy was unknown and whose mechanism of action is unknown. Yet millions shoot this stuff up all the time because there's no other alternative. Well guess what? If they don't know what it is, there's a real possibility there isn't a drug to do the trick. But in this society? There just has to be a pill, doesn't there? So they came up with SOMETHING we can shoot up. A show of hands please who the drug has worked for who is CERTAIN they are not just in remission? Some will raise their hands, but some need to feel like it's working. And all over the labels and in all the literature they tell you it's all ineffective against progressive types of MS, yet I'd bet well over 50% of progressive patients shoot it up anyway despite it doing nothing because of the way we have to have a drug for everything.
I have a feeling as I'm muddling through Mark Twain's auto B that I'll be writing alot. I sure hope so!